Fred is a brave boy who always did dangerous things but never did himself any harm. On Christmas Eve he decided to go on a mysterious adventure in the woods because he had nothing to do. Mum alway’s said not to go in the woods because people said there were witches, ghost’s and elves there but nothing could stop Fred going.
Fred was walking through the forest. He could here the fluffy snow crunching under his feet as he walked along the path. He looked up at the tall dark Christmas trees standing up tall. He touched the snow and it was as soft as sponge. He heard the jingle bells of santa’s slay.
As Fred heard the jingle bells of Santa’s sleigh. He ran towards the noise he was looking up at the sky because he thought the slay was flying. He ran as fast as he could to see santa and his slay. He didn’t even notice he was standing in the middle of a deserted place. The trees were dark green and the dears were eating set grass. In front of the workshop he couldn’t believe his very own eyes. He stoud there looking at the workshop when Santa came out.
Santa came over the Fred and asked him “How did you get hear?”. Santa took him inside because it was freezing outside. There were at least fifty elves in the workshop. Fred was sitting down on a confey chair with a cup of hot chocolate and Santa was telling him about the workshop. Santa said to fred what do you want for Christmas. Fred said to santa he wanted a PS3. Santa said to him that’s what you will get. It was the best christmas ever.
My favrot book is Johny English. because he is realy funny.
Well done this is awsome!
Thank you for commenting.
Very good story .
Well done Hamza you have really tried your best you have used the wagoll and the writers tool kit.
A great story Hamza! I like the way you start the story and think you use a good simile to describe the snow.
Wow,I think this story is great. Plus it’s a bit like superman. You have used great adjectives
Good work Hamza.
Well done Hamza. This is a great story. It has brilliant adjectives and alot of description. This story is amazing. I like how uou used the paragraphs and I wonder why you had Santa Claus or Father Christmas in this story.
This story is great It really gives tht mysterious sort of story in your mind a funny bit was when Santa Claus gave him a PS3 I found that funny. The bit when he was following the sound of then sleigh,amazing.
This story is greatand I love the fact it was set in a sort of christmasy scene and a bit like Narnia, a forest full of evergreens and snow.
Excellent story Hamza. My favourite part is the beggining because it is scary and because it wants you to read more.
This is a great piece of writing you have really thought about your environment & how to best describe it my favourite part was hoe youafe the snow seem si real with the sounds it made when it was being walked on & how it felt. Well done.
Great writing Hamza – I particularly like the second paragraph, where your brilliant description of Fred’s senses makes me feel like I’m walking through that forest myself!
The only thing I would improve about that paragraph is to make sure that you start your sentences in different ways, so that they don’t all begin with the word ‘Fred’ or ‘He’.
Keep up the good work!
Mr Town
Teacher
St Mary Redcliffe Primary, Bristol