One sunny day Mark and Henry were at home watching telly in a big room. They were bored because they were only aloud to watch telly. So they decided to go for a walk in the dull forest.
On the way to the spooky forest they saw a black cat. It was deserted and Mary and Henry were frightened. There was a long narrow path which lead to somewhere mysterious. Mark and Henry, were skimming stones, while Henry was looking for flat stones near the river.
After skimming stones Mark and Henry kept going along the narrow path. Suddenly they saw a lurking statue, which eyes started move slowly, but Mark and Henry see some witches moving swiftly with black and red cloaks. They hear footsteps from the right hand side and start to shiver. ”We need to get out of here quick and fast” whispered Henry.
The loud thud alerted the statue. Henry picked up Mark and took him to a nearby empty tent. There was no escape, but they spotted a man who was walking in the woods. They shouted for help and the man came. Henry said “can you help us” and he said “yes”. Mark had a lump on his head and it was hurting and the man gave him a cold ice pack. ”Thank you” said Mark. Unfortunately the man had a map and tried to find the way out of the spooky forest. But they never did.
Wow, each story I read has at least one bit of a scary situation, what a coincidence, anyways this story is great adjectives and super diolague. Well done Hasan
Well done Hasan great story I love the scary scenes and the dialouge is great again Well done Hasan.
Love the story so scary adjectives and it is so sad at the end they never find there way out of the forest, por boys. Well done for the story hasan.
Cool story Hasan. It is just sad that they didn’t find there way out. I like the scary scenes they are cool.
Welldone Hasan keep it up.It is a very good story.
WOW! What a great story good use of vocabulary. Well done!
What a fantastic scary story, Hasan! I really like the way you have used paragraphs to structure your writing, and there are some great adjectives which help to add some spooky details to your story.
Remember to keep your writing in the past tense if that is how you have started your story.. Can you see the part where it goes into the present tense for a moment?
Keep up the good work, Hasan – it looks like your Booster Club is helping you to make great progress!
Mr Town
Y5 Teacher
St Mary Redcliffe Primary, Bristol
Well done Hasan, this story had me on the edge of my seat! It has a great build up and you created some excellent suspense. I especially liked the part when the statue’s eyes slowly moved.
Michael
Benthal Primary School
London
Hasan, you have used some fabulous words in your story! Some of my favourites are: lurking, mysterious, whispered, thud, alerted and deserted. Keep making these adventurous word choices!
Perhaps next time you could start a few of your sentences with -ing -ly words like…
- Moving swiftly, Henry picked up Mark and took him to the nearby tent.
- Vibrating violently, the loud thud alerted the statue.
Here’s some more:
- Smiling sweetly,…
- Living dangerously,…
- Searching furiously,…
- Creeping silently,…
Can you think of any more -ing -ly openers?
Hasan, this is a great story. it really was quite scary because you cleverly chose words like spooky, mysterious and shiver. The fact that the children were whispering only added to the tension and I could feel myself tensing up as I read on. You created a real atmosphere of fear. Well done!
Mrs. Ryan
Wow,great story Hasan another scary situation I like it. It is so sad when the boys could not get out of the forest I was actually about to cry,very emotional. You have used great vocabluary,excellent adjectives and emotional words(I’m still crying). You had a real atmosphere of fear,good job.
Thank you for all the nice comments you have put on.