Exciting news again for Miriam Lord! Sarah in 5WS has had her entry in Week 34 of the 100 Word Challenge chosen and published on the actual 100 Word Challenge blog. Over 300 children entered the challenge this week and Sarah’s work was chosen to be showcased. She had to include the phrase ….. suddenly I saw …. somewhere in her 100 words.
Here is her entry :
A rapid whirl wind boomed out of no where through the panic -ricked people of the city.There was no way out of this trapped box all the doors were closed suddenly I saw the ground parting.Wider and wider it came like a mouth catching its prey.The boaring grey road turned up side down into a beautiful red ribbon with all the bright cars whizzing up side down it was a beautiful site but all was bad with the grubby ground it turned into a two faced ugly creautre. It gobbled the entire city I was the only one standing …………….
What comment would you leave for Sarah about her writing? What do you like? What has she done well? Is there anything she could think about next time to make it even better?
Remember, when you leave a comment always be positive first.
All of us at Miriam Lord are incredibly proud of Sarah and we look forward to many more Miriam Lord entries being chosen for the Showcase in the future!
Visit http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/ to read and comment on more of our great writing.
It’s an incredibly descriptive piece of writing, and it deserves the accolades that it is quite rightly receiving. It’s great to have another child recognised on the 100WC showcase and viewed by a global audience. Massive congratulations Sarah.
An amazing effort Sarah! I really enjoyed your story, i loved the way you included a promt from before the grond parted. An exellent effort. I love the phrase wider and wider it came like a mouth ready to eat his prey. A huge congratulations for being in the show case again! Well Done
wow, that peice of writing was epic.You must have took ages to write all of that.I think your writing is better than mine.
This piece of writing is great it shows our school put a lot of effot in their work.
You have used good vocabulary for example rapid,ricked and whizzing.
Sarah your piece of writing is fantastic.It was very enjoyable to read.
A fantastic piece of amazing writing there Sarah. You have really stretched your imaganing muscle to wright this story. Ilove the way you ended it with a cliff hanger. Well done Sarah! You should be proud of yourself!
You have used a great opener for your first sentance.
Well done sarah!!!!!! I enjoyed your story too so good look next time.
Wow! What a story Sarah. I bet you have the best imagination from the entire class. I loved the bit when you left the reader think what has happened to you. I think you should have read it back through but other than that I was almared!!!
Brilliant! Work Sarah you must be proud of yourself! You used your imagination muscle very well and I think you are very good at it. My favourite part was the end part, wich was a cliff hanger. I was just wondering were you scared when you were the only person in the wold?
Maria you bet I was scared why dont you put yourself into my shoes and think would I be scared?.
Well done Sara you must be a really good student in y5.