A rapid whirl wind boomed out of no where through the panic -ricked people of the city.There was no way out of this trapped box all the doors were closed suddenly I saw the ground parting.Wider and wider it came like a mouth catching its prey.The boaring grey road turned up side down into a beautiful red ribbon with all the bright cars whizzing up side down it was a beautiful site but all was bad with the grubby ground it turned into a two faced ugly creautre. It gobbled the entire city I was the only one standing …………….
CEOP
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WOW this piece of wtiting made me get a good picture in my head.I enjoyed reading your piece of writing.
Wow, Sarah!
What a great story! Have you ever experienced an earthquake? This is exactly what I remember about the experience!
There are a few spelling mistakes in your text. You could use a spell checker before you post your text to avoid this.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sarah!
Kind regards,
Diethild
Diethild I have checked my spelling mistakes and I will remember to always revise my work in the future.
Well done Sarah i liked your story.well done it was very good.
What wonderful language you have used, Sarah! I particularly like the phrase ‘beautiful red ribbon’ as it makes me imagine the lava flowing up from underground. I think you could have made a little more of the monster though, to make the reader more fearful.
Wow Sarah I love your writing its very imaginitive and is a great idea of the apocolypse and you used loads of adjectives, nouns, verbs and adverbs that made the story even better!